Materialna duhovnost

Materialna duhovnost

Protislovje? Da.

Vedno ko pridem iz daljšega bivanja v Aziji nazaj v to lepo deželo Slovenijo, opazim več struktur te družbe. Včeraj me prešine, da kljub temu, da so po mojem mnenju Kitajci zelo materialno usmerjeni, opažam, da je tu še slabše čeprav bi na prvi pogled sklepal, da ni res...naj razložim;

Na Zahodu smo splošnega mnenja, da je Azijska kultura zelo duhovna, Zahodnjaška pa zelo materialna. Kdor se je res poglabljal v duhovne študije Azije ve, da to ni res -> za splošno populacijo. Ne moremo posplošiti. Tako kot tukaj, imaš eno in drugo.

Na Tajskem bijejo boj s skorumpiranimi Budističnimi menihi, na Kitajskem je družba na splošno previdna do nekih spiritualnih zadev, iz večih razlogov seveda, a eden je tudi ta, da so bili v nekem obdobju Kitajske zgodovine „duhovnjaki“ dodobra skorumpirani. Materialni spiritualizem v porastu, a mu začenjajo stopati na prste. Ne odobravajo teh praks. Začeli so se zavedati manipulacij in pridobitništva nekaterih duhovnih voditeljev. Nekako so pričeli so z ločevanjem plevel od zrnja.

Zahod naj bi bil zelo materialno naravnan. Res je, to je velik del Zahodnjaške kulture. Ločiti človeka in Boga pomaga toku denarja. Nesrečen, s svojo bitjo nepovezan posameznik je dober potrošnik.

A kaj se je zgodilo? Ljudje so ugotovili ta catch in ponovno začeli iskati povezavo, Boga, duhovnost. Ljudje so pričeli iskati preprostejše načine bivanja, jesti hrano prežeto z manj krutosti aka vegetarijansko, se resno oprijeli Vzhodnjaških duhovnih praks in pričeli obujati lokalno duhovnost.

Izgledalo je, da se svet spreminja na bolje. „Ljubezen bo premagala vse!“ feeling!

A glej ga zlomka...nato se je „duhovnost“ pričela prodajati. Postala je dober biznis. Vsakdo se okliče za spiritualnega učitelja po vikend tečaju razsvetljenja, vegetarijanska in veganska hrana sta postali moda, ravno da ne delijo certifikatov za stopnje „duhovnosti“,...nek Avstralski Budistični menih, ki ga kdaj poslušam na You Tubu se je šalil, da kmalu ne bo smel več poučevati meditacije, saj za to nima nobenega certifikata ...“duhovnost“ je postala zelo podobna materialnosti.

In to ljudem odgovarja. „Odpustek“ si lahko kupijo s tečajem Yoge, TaijiJa, Meditacije. Več stane, bolj je zaželeno. Kot, da denar duhovnosti da še večji naboj. Ljudje pijani od „pozitivnosti“, ki jo poudarja ta materialna duhovnost.

Vas to ne spominja na vzvod od katerega bežite? Če boš imel ta avto boš pa res srečen, če boš izgledala takole, boš srečna....Isto Sr**** drugo pakovanje. Življenje je ravno zaradi takšnih pogledov trpljenje. Če verjameš, da si lahko srečen in obenem navezan na vse te poglede, ki stremijo k materialnemu, boš verjetno razočaran.

Življenje samo po sebi je duhovno potovanje; preplet sreče, bolečine, zmag in porazov,..ni vsakemu namenjeno spoznanje realnosti v tem življenju je pa vsako življenje izjemno, vredno, dovolj dobro ne glede na to, kako ga živiš. Ni ti treba biti ne vsevedni guru, ne najboljši, ne „poseben“, niti ti ni treba biti „razsvetljen“. Materialna duhovnost ali ne; nalijmo si čistega vina.

Duhovnosti se ne da kupiti, zanjo je treba živeti življenje, je treba čutiti, je treba presegati poglede, ki nam namigujejo, da nismo dovolj dobri. Tako-imenovane Duhovne prakse nas prisilijo, da si pogledamo v oči in se sprejmemo takšne kot smo...ranljive, izgubljene, iščoče, čudovito nepopolne,.. na nas pa je, da ne zamenjamo ene strukture za drugo. Na nas je, da stopimo iz cone udobja, na nas je da zberemo pogum!

Welcome to Earth!

______________________________________________________

Material spirituality

Controversial? Yes.

Every time I come back from a longer stay in Asia to this beautiful country of Slovenia, I notice new structures of this society. Yesterday it got to me that despite the fact that, in my opinion, the Chinese are very material oriented, it is even worse here even though at first glance I would conclude that in Slovenia we are less material oriented ... let me explain;

In the West, there is general opinion that Asian culture is very spiritual, and the West is very material. Anyone who has really deepened spiritual studies of Asia knows that this is not true -> for the general population. We can not generalize. Just like here, you have one and the other.
In Thailand, they started a fight with corrupt Buddhist monks, in China the society is generally cautious about spiritual issues, for many reasons, of course, and one is that in a certain period of China's history, "spiritualists" were too corrupt. Material spiritualism is on the rise, but they start to recognise and condemn it. They do not approve of these practices. They began to be aware of the manipulations and acumulations of riches of some spiritual leaders. Slowly, they began to separate weeds from grains.

The West is supposed to be very materialisticaly oriented. True, this is a big part of the Western culture. Separate man and God helps the flow of the money. Unhappy, unconected individual is a good consumer.
What happened? People realised the catch and started looking for a highher conection again, God, spirituality. People began to look for simpler ways of living, eating cruelty free aka vegetarian diet, seriously embracing Eastern spiritual practices, and starting to awaken local spirituality.
It seemed that the world was changing for the better. "Love will overcome everything!" feeling in the air!

And here goes again ... "spirituality" began to sell. It became a good business. People call themselves a spiritual master after a weekend enlightenment course, vegetarian and vegan foods have become fashion, they give out certificates for degrees of "spirituality", ... an Australian Buddhist monk I sometimes listened to on You Tube joked that he will no longer be able to teach meditation anymore because he has no certificate for it ...
"spirituality" has become very similar to materialism. And it agrees with people. "redemtion" can be bought with the Yoga, TaijiJa, Meditation,.. courses. More it costs the more desirable it is. As if the “spirituality” soked in money has even greater power. People are drunk with "positivity", underlined by this material spirituality.

Doesnt that remind you of the structures from which you are running away? "If you will have this car you will be really happy, if you look like this, you will be the happiest ...." same Sh**, different package. Life is suffering precisely because of such views . If you believe that you can be happy and, at the same time, stay attached to all of these views, which strive to material, you will probably be disappointed.
Life itself is a spiritual journey; the interweaving of happiness, pain, wictories and defeats ... it is not for everybody to realize the reality in this life, but every life is exceptional, worthwhile, good enough, no matter how you live it.
You do not need to be a super guru, not the best, not "special", nor do you have to be "enlightened". Material spirituality or not, hey lets be honest what is what.
Spirituality cant be bought, you must live life for it, you must feel all of it, it is necessary to go beyond the views that suggest that we are not good enough.
The so-called Spiritual Practices force us to look deep into our eyes and accept ourselves as we are ... vulnerable, lost, serching, wonderfully incomplete, .. it is up to us that we dont replace one structure for another. It's up to us to get out of the comfort zone, it's up to us to find courage!

Welcome to Earth!

Kitajska 2017/2018

To leto je bilo izredno polno.

  

Tečaje Taijija, Qigonga in Wudang GongFuja sem imela na 3-eh različnih lokacijah, masaže in terapije sem izvajala, kjer so me potrebovali. Ves čas sem bila v avtu in moj dom je bil razpet nekje med hišico sredi Kozjanske divjine in maminim stanovanjem v Kranju. Zdaj mi je jasno, da je bilo ves čas samo dajanje, dajanje, dajanje...ne glede na to kako uživam v poučevanju in opazovanju razvoja, napredka soljudi, ne glede na to kako uživam v delu v naravi, čeprav fizično zahtevnem.

Čez leta sem zgradila večina trdnih in globokih prijateljstev čez meje Slovenije in sem tako bila podpore in božanja duše, ki ga vsi občasno potrebujemo, deležna le preko moderne tehnologije, kar seveda ni idealen način. Tudi moj partner je bil tam nekje daleč na severu.

Razpeta sem bila med 100 in eno nalogo in opravkom, ki bi me peljal naprej in mi pomagal razumeti kdo sem kje mi je mesto. Po seminarju na Švedskem je bilo še slabše. Počutila sem se samo, daleč od svojega plemena...duša mi je šepetala; Kitajsssskaaa, Wudaaaang, učitelj,...

This year was extremely full.

I had Taiji, Qigong and Wudang GongFu courses at 3 different locations, I did massages and therapies where ever they needed me. I was in the car all the time and my home was torn somewhere between a house in the middle of the Kozjansko wilderness and my mother's apartment in Kranj(quite a distance, mind you). It is now clear to me that it was all the time just giving, giving, giving ... no matter how I enjoy teaching and observing the development, progress of fellow humans, no matter how I enjoy work in nature, although physically demanding. Over the years, I built most of the strong and deep friendships across the borders of Slovenia, and thus I got the support and fuelling of the soul that we all need from time to time, only through modern technology, which is of course not the ideal way. My partner was also somewhere far north.

I was scattered among the 100 and one task and worked towards understanding who I am and where is my place. After the seminar in Sweden, it was even worse. I felt far away from my tribe ... my soul whispered; Chinaaa, Wudaaaang, teacher, ... 

V poletju 2017 sem imela čast peljati majhno skupino navdušencev na Kitajsko. Spet doma, v vročem Pekingu. Moja duša je pela in srkala energijo te nenavadne dežele.

Popotovanje je potekalo, kot sem si ga zamislila- udeleženci so lahko začutili ritem Kitajske in kasneje Wudanga.

Na Wudangu smo obiskali šolo mojega učitelja in 14 dni preživeli tam. Moji zagrizenci so imeli od učitelja Tanga predpisan večinoma trening osnov, splošno spoznanje tekom dni je bilo; „koliko je v resnici dela za temi veščinami..“. Res je..mesece in mesece trdega dela, močne psihe in sprejemanja. Vse to je za mano, me gradi in je del mene … za vedno.

In the summer of 2017, I had the honour of taking a small group of enthusiasts to China. I got back home, to hot Beijing. My soul sang and sipped the energy of this unusual country. The journey was as I planned - participants could feel the rhythm of China and later Wudang.

At Wudang we visited my teacher's school and spent 14 days there. My determine cotrevelers had a predetermined base training with Shifu Tang. the general realisation of the days was; "How much you really have to work for these skills ...". True ... months and months of hard work, strong psyche and openness. All this is behind me, it builds me and it's part of me ... forever.

Moj um je analitičen..v ozadju tehta, primerja, doživlja vse možne scenarije, ki sledijo neki odločitvi. Verjetno zato tako zlahka berem ljudi in vidim njihovo jedro, to je stanje v nekem vmesnem svetu. Že davno sem opustila neko, večini ljudi, logično planiranje usmerjeno nekam v prihodnost. Spoznala sem, da enostavno ne deluje, da se življenje ne razodeva(meni pa sploh ne) po nekem zaporedju, ki nam ga želi družba prikazati kot naravnega(šola, služba, dom, družina z možem, dvema otrokoma in psom, …). Prosim ne razumite me narobe..vse spoštovanje do vsakega posameznika ne glede na njegovo življenjsko pot. Vsaka pot je prava. Izpostavljam predvsem naše dojemanje o tem kaj je normalno, primerno,..

Ko sem bila s skupino na Kitajskem, mi ni dalo miru..glas je šepetal; ostani dljeee! Partner se je v jeseni selil v Peking na polletni študij, to je bil še en velik razlog, da ostanem.

Ni bilo v načrtu, niti ni bilo možno finančno saj sem potovanje ponudila po izredno nizki ceni, ki je pokrivala zgolj stroške mojega bivanja za 20 dni, vse moje udejstvovanje v Sloveniji pa tudi ni obrodilo finančnih sadov.

Učitelj vedno čuti moje želje in namere, tako me vpraša, kdaj se vrnem. Razložim mojo situacijo in kot vedno mi ponudi brezplačno bivanje. Ta človek je neverjeten, ima to možnost in mi jo brez oklevanja ponudi. Kakorkoli že, večna hvaležnost in lojalnost temu bitju.

In sem ostala, dodatna 2 meseca. Občutek doma, pripadnosti, vrednosti, podpore,....seveda sem hotela, da se nikoli ne konča!

Nisem človek, ki bi brez slabe vesti živel na plečih drugega in sem začela z iskanjem službe na Kitajskem. Ni problema, v Hunanu iščejo učiteljico angleščine. Dobro, to je kake 8 ur od Wudanga, lahko bom hodila na treninge vsake 14 dni, ko zaslužim dovolj bom lahko tam ostala dlje. Peking je 2 uri ugodnega leta stran.

Doma sem imela nerešene posle in sem šla..za en mesec sem se vrnila v Slovenijo. Ni bilo časa za vse. Žal mi je bilo, da se nisem uspela posloviti od vseh in razložiti zakaj grem. Ko pa sem že bila na Kitajskem se mi je zdelo nesmiselno in nespoštljivo razlagati, kar je bilo že mimo. Ukvarjala sem se z vprašanjem mojega Zavoda in na koncu vse skupaj obdržala. Z mati sva šli skupaj v nakup hiše, ki nama je malone padla iz nebes v naročje. Lokacija, narava, bližina,...po letih iskanja, upanja, razočaranj,...čudež!

Veliko zahtevnih stvari v enem mesecu. Moram priznati, da se zelo malo spomnim,...predvsem le občutka držanja vsega na plečih in vlečenje ljudi skozi tunel, ker veš da je na drugi strani svetloba in bodo tam srečni.

Kitajska!

Tako, po mesecu spet na Kitajskem.

Služba mi je krila let in me namestila v udobno stanovanje.

Vse je šlo gladko, otroci super, vsi zadovoljni!

Dva sodelavca sta Tekwandoista in se takoj ujamemo. Peljeta me do njihove športne univerze, predstavita zanimivim ljudem, med drugim šefici verige fitnes klubov. Povpraša me po starosti. Navdušena je nad mojim mladostnim videzom, baje naj bi za svoja 35 leta izgledala odlično. Kolega takoj izpostavi, da se ukvarjam s Taijijem in QiGongom...ženska vsa navdušena poprosi, da postanem njena učiteljica. Seveda, ni problem.

Kitajska družba je obsedena z lepoto...veliko bolj kot v Evropi recimo... Od takrat naprej sem v njenih klubih trenirala brezplačno. Super! Vsak dan po delu se s kolegom zapeljeva tja in odtečeva nekaj kilometrov na tekočem traku, dvigneva par uteži in vadiva forme ter tako dalje.

Parkrat prej in za Božič sem se odpravila na Wudang, trenirat, obiskat prijatelje. Z mojim dragim sva se videla skoraj vsak vikend; ali sem jaz odletela v Peking ali pa me je obiskal on.

Življenje je lepo!

My mind is analytical .. in the background it weighs, compares, experiences all possible scenarios that follow some decision. Probably, therefore, I can read people easily and see their core, this is happening somewhere in some intermediate world. Long ago I realised that for most people, logical planning directed somewhere in the future, is not my way. I realized that it simply does not work, that life does not reveal itself (especially to me) in a sequence that the society wants to show us as a natural one (school, service, home, family with husband, two children and a dog ...). Please do not understand me wrong ... all the respect to every individual regardless of his life course. Every path is right. I want to point out our perception of what is normal, appropriate, ..

When I was with a group in China, it kept on going ... the voice whispered; Stay longer! In autumn, my partner moved to Beijing for a semesters, this was another big reason to stay.
It was not planned or financially possible since I offered the trip at an extremely low price, which covered only the costs of my stay for 20 days, and all my work in Slovenia also did not bear sufficient financial fruit.
Teacher always feels my wishes and intentions, so he asks me when I will return. I explain my situation and as always offers me a free stay. This man is incredible, he has this possibility and offers it to me without hesitation. Anyway, eternal gratitude and loyalty to this being.

And I stayed, an extra 2 months. Feeling at home, belonging, valued, supported, .... of course, I wanted it to never end!

I am not a person who is comfortable to live on shoulders of another and I started looking
for a job in China. No problem, they are looking for an English teacher in Hunan. Well, that's
about eight hours from Wudang, I can go to trainings every 14 days, and when I earn enough, I can stay there longer. Beijing is 2 hours of affordable flight away.

At home I had unresolved business and I went back ... I returned to Slovenia for a month .
There was no time for anything. I was sorry I did not manage to say goodbye to everyone
and explain why I'm going. When I was already in China, it seemed unreasonable and
disrespectful to interpret what was already past. I dealt with the issue of my Institute and in
the end I kept it all together. At that time, we bought a house with my mother that fell from
heaven to our lap. Location, nature, proximity ... after years of searching, hope,
disappointments, ... a miracle! Many challenging things in one month. I have to admit that
I remember very little, ... mostly the feeling of holding everything on my shoulders and pulling people through the tunnel, because you know that the light is on the other side and they will be happy there.


China!
So, after a month, again in China. My work covered my flight and placed me in a comfortable apartment. Everything went smoothly, kids were great, everyone was happy.Two of my co-workers are Tekwando teachers and we immediately connected. They took me to their sports university, introduce me to interesting people, among them the head of the
fitness club chain. She asked me about my age. She was excited about my youthful look,
I supposed to look great for my 35 years of age. One of the co-workers immediately revealed that I practice Taiji and QiGong ... the woman asks me excitedly to become her teacher. Of course, no problem. Chinese society is obsessed with beauty ... much more than in
Europe for example ... Since then, I have been training at her clubs for free. Great! Every day after work, me and my colleague were driving there and run several kilometres on the tread mill, lifting a couple of weights and practised forms, and so on. I went to Wudang few times,
also for Christmas, to train, visit friends. Almost every weekend I meet with my dear; whether I flew to Beijing or he visited me. Life is Beautiful!

Dandanes je na Kitajskem precej težko urediti vse potrebne papirje za legalno delo. Nič nenavadnega ni za tujce, da delajo na pol legalno. Kljub obljubam moje šole, da bodo vse uredili, se to ni zgodilo.

Kmalu so lokalne oblasti tega manjšega mesta zavohale možnost dodatnega zaslužka.

Da vam razložim kako to gre;

Nekega dne me pokličejo iz učilnice, ker je prišla policija. Povedo, da moram z njimi na zaslišanje. Malo me stisne, a zaupam vodstvu šole, da bo vse ok. Na poti v avto napišem sporočila vsem , ki jih poznam na Kitajskem v primeru česa hujšega, da vedo kje sem, kaj se dogaja.

Odpeljejo me v močno ograjen objekt sredi mesta. Stavba je stara in v prostorih, ki so odprti vidim samo po en stol na katerega te lahko privežejo...ostajam mirna.

Posedijo me na takšen stol brez da bi me upeli, pripeljejo prevajalko iz Kitajščine v Angleščino in pričnejo z izpraševanjem. „Kdaj si prišla sem?“, „kaj delaš tu?“ „kdo te plačuje?“...Poskušam odgovarjati čimbolj korektno a se tudi zavedam, da bi določeni odgovori lahko pahnili mojo šolo v prekršek.

Na vpogled mi dajo zapisnik, ki na mojo grozo vsebuje stavke, ki jih nikoli nisem izgovorila. Zahtevam, da zapisnik popravijo. In ga.

Zaprejo me v neko sobo in čakam...čakam...čakam...

Po nekem času pripeljejo mojo sodelavko, ki mi zagotavlja, da je vse v redu.

Čakava, večeri se, pojma nimam kaj se dogaja.

Peljejo me v sobo kjer mi želijo vzeti prstne odtise..uprem se. Zakaj me popisujete?, „Standardni postopek“...Rabim odvetnika? ...“ne delaj težav!“....sodelavka me pregovori, naj se ne upiram in storim zahtevano...po glavi mi začne rojiti deportacija. Nikoli več na Kitajsko...groza!!

Pozno ponoči mi sodelavka razloži, da je vse skupaj igra, farsa. Med tem ko sem jaz zaprta „na varnem“, vodstvo šole in pa lokalne oblasti barantajo za zajetno podkupnino.

V glavnem ti pritiski, so se stopnjevali celo noč in naslednje jutro, dokler nama s sodelavko niso dali v podpis „priznanja“, katerega sva podpisali in poštampljali s prstnim odtisom.

Seveda sem imela pred tem veliko za povedati na temo človekovih pravic....bilo mi je vseeno kaj naredijo z mano, počutila sem se kot v neki črni komediji. Prijazno s kančkom naveličanosti mi razložijo, da v kolikor dobim odvetnika, zadeva postane resna, gre na sodišče in naj se zavedam, da v zgodovini Kitajske še noben tujec na sodišču ni dobil primera. Vse jasno.

Ko sva prišli iz zapora, naju čaka šefica s svojim ogromnim Jaguarjem in odpelje na topel obrok. Zahvaljuje se mi za pogum, ker jih nisem izdala. Povedo mi, da so vse plačali in naj ne skrbim, da je vse ok. Razlagajo, da tako pač lokalne oblasti služijo denar.

Vse skupaj je pustilo na meni kar resne posledice, samo čakala sem, kdaj me spet odpeljejo. Šola mi je še kar zagotavljala, da bodo vse papirje uredili. Nikakor se to ni uredilo in zaradi svoje varnosti in resne možnosti ponovnega zapleta sem se odločila oditi.

Tako je to na Kitajskem.

Wudang!

Na Wudangu me učitelj sprejme z odprtimi rokami in je vesel, da bom ostala čez zimo, da pomagam s šolo, ko bo učitelj odsoten zaradi obiska svoje družine, ki živi na jugu.

Kljub visoki plači, ki sem jo prejemala v službi, in bi mi lahko omogočila marsikaj, je bil dober občutek, da usoda želi, da sem na Wudangu.

Zima je bila mrzla in snežena. V 50. letih ne pomnijo takega snega kot to zimo.

V šoli sva v najhujši zimi ostala sama s Švicarjem Mihujem. Odličen prijatelj in podpora na poti. Oba veva kaj imava za trenirati, ne obremenjujeva drug drugega, ko ni potrebe, si priskočiva na pomoč ko je treba, najini pogovori naju bogatijo in dvigujejo,...odlična zima kultivacije in miru.

Seveda, ko takole pišem kako čudovito je, to ne pomeni, da je lahko. Verjamem, da bi marsikdo preživel te razmere a vseeno. V hišah ni ogrevanja. Klim ne uporabljam, ker so nezdrave in potrošijo ogromno energije. Imela sem nek manjši grelec predvsem pa deko iz ovčje volne..hvala ovce, ki ste dale volno...nepopisno hvaležna!

Voda v ceveh pomrzne, elektrike včasih ni po nekaj dni, avtobusi ne vozijo,...v glavnem lepo prvinsko bivanje. Tega sem vajena, uživam v tem. Tudi ko sem na Zahodu živim dokaj preprosto. Ni mi problem preklapljati med luksuzom in preprostostjo. Skozi leta sem ugotovila, da preprost način bivanja veliko pripomore k človekovemu razvoju..pa recimo duhovnemu. Udobje človeka otopi in uspava. Včasih se prileže nekaj udobja a le v majhnih količinah, kaj hitro nas potegne v svoje zublje in nas stežka spusti.

Nowadays, in China, it's quite difficult to get all the necessary papers for legal work. It is not unusual for foreigners to work in a half legal way. Despite the promises of my school that everything will be arranged, this has not happened. Soon, local authorities of this small town smelled the opportunity of additional earnings.

Let me explain to you how this goes;

One day they called me from the classroom because the police came. They said that I have to go to the hearing with them. My hart sank for a bit , but I trust the school that everything will be fine. On the way to the car I wrote messages to everyone I know in China in case of the worst so people know where I am, what is happening. They took me to a heavily fenced building in the middle of the city. The building was old and in the open rooms I see only one chair on which they can bind you ... I remain calm. They put me on such a chair without binding me, bringing a translator from Chinese to English and starting with a questioning. "When did you come here?", "What are you doing here?" "Who pays you?" ... I try to answer as aptly as possible, but I am also aware that certain answers may plunge my school into a violation.
They give me the record to check. In horror I realise it contains the sentences that I have never uttered. I request that they correct it. And they did. They shut me up into a room and I wait ... wait ... wait... After a while, they bring my colleague, who assures me everything is fine. We wait and its getting late, I have no idea what's going on. They take me to a room where they want to take my fingerprints ... What?? Why are you listing me ? "Standard procedure" ... Do I need a lawyer? ... "don't make trouble!" ... my colleague is persuading me not to be upset and just do the required ... !deportation! begins to spin in my head. Never again going to China ... horror !!

Later my colleague explained that everything is a play, a farce. While I'm locked in "safe", school leaders and local authorities are bargaining for a bribe. These pressures escalated all night and next morning, until me and my co-worker signed "confession" we signed and stamped with a fingerprint.
Of course, I had a lot to say about human rights before that .... I did not care what they do to me, I felt like in a black comedy. They kindly with a trace of annoyance explained that if I get a lawyer, the matter becomes serious, it goes to court, and I should be aware that in the whole history of China no foreigner has ever won in the court. Everything was clear.

When we got out of prison, our boss was waiting with her huge Jaguar and took us to a warm meal. She thanked me for the courage, because I did not betray them. They told me they paid everything and I shouldn't worry that everything is ok. They explain that the local authorities are getting the money in that fashion all the time.

All this left me with serious consequences, I just waited for when they would come again. The school was assuring me all the time that all the papers will be arranged. That didn't happen and because of my safety and the serious possibility of re-complication, I decided to leave. That's the way it is in China.


Wudang!


Teacher open-handedly welcomes me to school and is happy that I will stay over the winter
to help with school when he is absent due to a visit to his family who lives in the south.
Despite the high salary I received at work, which could have enabled me to do many things,
it was a good feeling that my fate wanted me to be at Wudang.
Winter was cold and snowy. In 50 years they don't remember as much snow as these winter.
In the worst time of winter, we stayed alone with Mihu from Switzerland. Excellent friend
and supporter on the Way. We both know what we have to train, we not burden each other when
there is no need, we come to the aid when needed, our talks are enriching and are raising us ... a great winter of cultivation and peace.
Of course, when I write how wonderful it was, it does not mean its simple. I believe that
many would survive this situation. There is no heating in the houses. I do not use the AC
because they are unhealthy and consume a lot of energy. I had a small heater, and a blanket
made from sheep wool .. thank you sheep who gave your wool ... indescribably grateful to
you!
Water in the pipes frizzes, electricity is sometimes gone for few days, buses do not go, ...
mostly nice primal living. I'm used to it, I enjoy it. Even when I live in the West I live
quite simple. It's not a problem to switch between luxury and simplicity for me. Over the
years, I've found that a simple way of living greatly contributes to human development ...
say spiritual. The comfort numbs people. Sometimes some comfort is nice, but only in small
quantities, it quickly pulls us in its teeth and makes it difficult for us to set ourselves free gain.

Posnetek zime. Na Mihujevem kanalu lahko vidite podrobnosti iz našega življenja.

Že leta razmišljam o posvečenem življenju v templju. Nekajkrat sem se udeležila umikov v raznih verskih tradicijah, a do sedaj prave skupnosti še nisem našla. Sem posvečen Daoist in očitno na poti ostajam na pol kot hermit..tudi prav.

Letos mi je kolegica, ki sem jo ponovno srečala po dolgih letih, položila na srce; punce, same boste morale ustanoviti nekaj! Toliko let moških samostanov, moške prevlade v smislu duhovnega vodstva,...čas je!

Letos sem veliko raziskovala na to temo, koliko posvečenih žensk je dejansko v verskih tradicijah, koliko žensk kot duhovnih vodij. Moram reči, da kar nekaj, vse več. Oh kako vas občudujem!

Ženska Moški aspekt je zanimiv predvsem v smislu „pa kdaj bomo že presegli to miselnost, da lahko samo bitja z lulčkom dosežejo nesmrtnost?“. Ja še vedno smo tam...

Letošnje leto je bilo zame leto ponovnih snidenj. Ljudi, ki nisem videla že leta, se na tak ali drugačen način znajdejo v mojem življenju. Eden od zanimivejših je bil menih, ki sem ga spoznala v ZiXiaoGongu in sva imela nenavadno povezavo in spoštovanje. Šla sem do kitajskega zdravnika v nek drugi tempelj precej stran od Wudanga in tam naletela na prav tega meniha. Po 7ih letih! Lepo snidenje in zaveza, da ostaneva v kontaktu.

Ko smo pri Kitajskem zdravniku...kakšna škoda, da nimamo dostopa do takšnega zdravljenja pri nas..

Pomagali so mi pozdraviti stanja, ki so se izrazila kot depresija in rak. Ja, neverjetno-Kitajska zelišča in QiGong. Mesec dni sem si kuhala napitek iz predpisanih zelišč redno vadila QiGong in to je bilo to. Diagnoza je bila postavljena v slabe pol ure s poslušanjem mojega pulza in kratkim pogovorom, ki je zadel bistvo. Zdravljenje se je v bistvu pričelo že s prvim odkritim pogovorom in empatijo zdravnika. 

I've been thinking about life in the temple for years. Several times I participated in retreats in various religious traditions, but till now I have not found the right community. I am a Daoist and obviously staying half as a Hermit ... that's ok than too.

My colleague, whom I met again after many years, laid it on my heart; girls, you yourself have to start something! So many years of male monasteries, men's dominance in terms of spiritual guidance ... it's time!

This year, I have studied a lot on this topic, how many dedicated women are actually in religious traditions, how many women as spiritual leaders. I must say that more and more. Oh how I admire you guys! The female male aspect is particularly interesting in terms of "when will we go beyond this mindset that only creatures with a penis can reach immortality?". Yes, we are still there ...

This year was a year of reuniting. The people I have not seen for years are finding themselves on my path one way or another. One of the most interesting was the monk I met in ZiXiaoGong and we had an unusual connection and respect. I went to a Chinese doctor to another temple much farther away from Wudang, and I encountered this very monk. After 7 years! Nice reunion and commitment to stay in touch.

When we're talking about a Chinese medicine doctor ... its such a shame that we do not have access to such treatment here in Slovenia .. They helped me to get well from the conditions that were expressed as depression and cancer. Yes, incredible-Chinese herbs and QiGong. For a month, I cooked a drink from the prescribed herbs, regularly practised QiGong and that was it. The diagnosis was made in about half an hour by listening to my pulse and a brief conversation that hit the essence. Initially, the treatment started with the first open talk and the doctor's empathy.

Po zimi sem pričela ob vikendih s poučevanjem angleščine v bližnjem mestu. Vodstvo in zaposleni v šoli so bili super, le blazno materialistično naravnani in upali so, da se jim bom pri tem pridružila. Zasuvali so me z raznoraznimi privilegiji, a to mi je muka. Ne vidim smisla v postavljanju in razkazovanju, v dodatni otopitvi čustev z alkoholom in hrano kuhano brez zavesti, ne vidim smisla bivanja v dragem mestnem stanovanju, obkroženem s strupenim zrakom in strupenimi materiali, ki gradijo čisto vsako stavbo v okolici. A seveda...rabim denar.

Moj teden je izgledal nekako takole:

Od ponedeljka do petka moji treningi, veliko volje, da se pregrizem čez vse forme in vaje, ki jih moram vadit. Večinoma vse samostojno, brez nekega drila in vodstva učitelja-od starih učencev se pričakuje, da bomo imeli dovolj samodiscipline za lasten trening in ne bili ves čas odvisni od vodstva učitelja. Med tem razbirati kdaj učitelj potrebuje mojo pomoč pri učenju, brez da bi poskušala poučevat na svojo roko s svojim egom.

Bivanje v skupnosti zelo različnih ljudi je izziv. Vsako leto je Kitajska dostopnejša, vsako leto je več učencev, ki ne vedo ravno zakaj in kaj pridejo trenirat. S seboj prinesejo svoje navade, razvade in poglede na svet, ki jih nekateri tudi po več mesecih ne uspejo prilagoditi ali spremeniti, čeprav so škodljive tako zanje kot za skupnost.

Potem v soboto zjutraj ob 6ih z avtobusi na 2 urno vožnjo do dela, ker nisem želela zamuditi petkovih treningov in teorije. Sobota in nedelja od 9h do 19h delo z nekaj odmori in potem nazaj v akademijo.

Bilo je v planu, da si ponedeljek vzamem prosto a se v praksi ni izšlo. Po svoje ker mi je pasalo po delovnem vikendu v mestu migat, po drugi strani pa zato, ker je učitelj potreboval pomoč pri učenju ipd...

Ja, takšno življenje ni najlažje, kakorkoli ezoterično se sliši. Je pa bogato, ker je toliko priložnosti, toliko neverjetnih ljudi s katerimi preživljaš čas.

Nemogoče v enem postu opisat vseh prigod, vsega lepega, vseh izzivov.

After winter I started working on weekends. Teaching English in the nearby town. The management and the staff at the school were great, only too materialistically oriented and hoped that I would join them. They treated me with various privileges, but that's a pain in the ars for me. I do not see the point in playing the game of who is bigger and better, additional numbing of emotions with alcohol and food cooked without consciousness, I do not see the meaning of living in a expensive city dwelling, surrounded by toxic air and toxic materials that are in buildings in the surrounding area. But of course ... I need money.

My week looked like this: From Monday to Friday, my training, a lot of will to go through all the forms and exercises that I have to practice. Mostly, all alone, without some drill and teacher guidance - from old students, it is expected that we will have sufficient self-discipline for our own training and are not always dependent on the leadership of the teacher. In the meantime, I had to be conscious of when the teacher needs my help with teaching, without trying to teach on my own and with ego.

Staying in a community of very different people is a challenge. Every year, China is more accessible, every year there are more students who do not know exactly why and what they come to train. They bring their habits, ways and views with them, which some even after months have failed to adapt or change, even though these behaviours are harmful to both them and the community.

Then on Saturday morning at 6 am with buses on a 2-hour drive to work because I did not want to miss Friday's trainings and the theory. Saturday and Sunday from 9h to 19h work with some breaks and then back to the academy. It was planned have a break on Monday but it did not work out in practice. It was my fault on one hand because I wished to move my body after a weekend in the city, but on the other hand because the teacher needed help with teaching and similar ... Yes, such a life is not the easiest, however romantic and esoteric it sounds. It's a rich life, because there are so many opportunities, so many amazing people to spend time with. Impossible to describe in one post all events, all beauty all challenges.

Kolikor je bilo letos izzivov, toliko je bilo nagrad in napredovanj. Mogoče se mi ne pozna v denarnici ali statusu, kar se mi nikoli ne bo, ker to ni moj fokus, vem pa kaj mi je vse skupaj dalo in mi še daje. Neprecenljivo! Občutek, da si nekje dobrodošel kadarkoli, brezpogojno, boža.

Nekako kodeks duhovnega razvoja uči, da se ne govori o svojih dosežkih.  Tisti, ki vedo za kaj gre, kako to gre, vidijo.

Vsekakor imam sedaj mesto v čudovitem zdravem okolju, kjer lahko cvetim in delim. Hvala ti Dao!

Vem kdo sem in kje mi je mesto!

Ljubezni!

As much as this year's was challenging, there were so many awards and promotions. Maybe it doesn't show in my wallet or status, which will never any ways, because this is not my focus. But I know what it has given me and gives to me constantly. Priceless!
The feeling that you are welcome at a place anytime, unconditionally, it caresses the soul.

Somehow, the code of spiritual development teaches us not to talk about our achievements. Those who know, see.

In any case, I have a place in a wonderful healthy environment now where I can bloom and share. Thank you, Dao!

I know who I am and where my place is!

Love!